Transmuting Pain Into Power

Transmuting Pain into Power

transmutation |ˌtransmyo͞oˈtāSHən, ˌtranz-|


the action of changing or the state of being changed into another form.

The Power and Beauty of Transmutation

I feel like over the past few weeks of my life I took a deep dive into the abyss of pain as I allowed every hurt, trauma, soul rupture and childhood scar to rise to the surface of my life for evaluation. Usually, I could run from it, numb it or hide it in some way but the universe wouldn’t allow that to happen this time. I had to see it, face off with it and feel the weight of all of it.

I felt like I wanted to die on many occasions during these past few weeks. I had triggers that came up through people in my life that I loved that caused soul ruptures so painful all I wanted to do was sink into the abyss. Each fracture took me deeper into a childhood core belief system that was set up to protect me in a dysfunctional home. Every trigger was designed by the universe to make me face my false-self that I may re-write my subconscious thinking into my truest most authentic self.

I have to admit I didn’t know what was happening to me at the time. All I saw was darkness, and all I could feel was the pain. It seemed that everything around me continued to trigger my old abandonment, rejection, and loss themes of growing up in a dysfunctional home. Each person that came around me during this time of darkness was designed to push me deeper into the abyss of this theme until I could heal. I felt the core of my soul screaming out against the injustice of all the weight of this pain and fighting back deep within me. I could not describe to anyone what was happening to me. I couldn’t verbalize what was taking place deep within the core of my soul, but I did know that something deep within me was trying to heal and correct itself from the rut I had lived into all my life. These core belief systems needed to be challenged and this transmutation had to take place.

Face it Feel it

The first step of transmuting pain into power is to allow yourself to feel your emotions. I am a counselor, spiritual healer, and an empathic being. I don’t despise my childhood because it created me to do the work I am doing today. However, my childhood false-self needed to be challenged that I may grow into a better version of myself. I cannot walk others through the darkness of their pain until I can first walk through my own, and I cannot transmute the pain into power until I first see that there is value in the experience of it. And the first step of walking through it is to acknowledge what is there and feel it fully.

There is Power in Your Jewels

Pick up your jewels

The second step of transmuting the pain into power is recognizing that no experience should be left on the ground. There is a lesson in everything that ever hurt me. It may be my defiance, but I refuse to not get something out of whatever bothered me. I am looking to either gain some type of lesson from it or find strength and resilience from it. I refuse to leave the jewels of the experience on the ground and walk away empty. I honestly didn’t know how I was going to come out of the heartache of these past few weeks or so, but something broke last night and whatever I was going through released me. I prayed, fasted, meditated and continued to do my healing work but I could not get out of the pain until it had done its job in me. And this morning when I felt a release I decided I needed to write about it. This experience taught me something about erasing old childhood negative tapes. These are the tapes that play over and over again as we continue to invite the same type of experiences in our lives time and time again until we heal. These are the limiting beliefs that govern our lives that have a groove so deep in the hardware of our minds that something like this dark night of the soul I just experience has to shake us out of it literally. I wanted out of that limiting belief, but the way out of something that deep is to go through it until the pain and regular healing work brought me safely to the other side of it.

You Gain Power From Sharing

Don’t sit on it, share it.

The final step in transmuting pain into power in my humble opinion is to share the lesson of it. Each time I take a hit and come out of it, I try to find a way to give something away. Each time I give something away I rise a little higher in consciousness. I grow, I elevate when I share my experience strength and hope with someone else. In essence, once I have filled myself with the fullness of my experience, I share the overflow of that experience to others that I may be able to produce more. Hopefully a dark night of the soul as thick as the one I just came out of doesn’t have to repeat itself like that again, but there are enough jewels for a lifetime of lessons that can be shared once I survive something that deep and painful. Just sitting here and being able to create this blog after weeks of being in such pain that my creativity was stuck, is a gift to me. As I pour out these words to give to someone who may read this, my load gets lighter, and my soul flies a bit higher. I feel her emerge from the abyss into the sunshine again. Transmutation is a process of taking something raw and alchemizing it into an entirely new and beautiful thing. In this case, this intense pain becomes my power when I choose to face it feel it and heal from it. I find the lesson from it and then share it.

I hope my experience helps someone out there to know that there is hope on the other side of whatever you are going through. You are more than what you are going through, and the jewels you pull from the fire of your experience are the hope of someone else.

Peace, Love and High Vibrations Family.

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© 2018 Nicola Hurst ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

The Power of Gratitude

The Power of Gratitude

I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” — Gilbert K. Chesterton

One of the most powerful tools I have ever used in any level of emotional healing and recovery has been the amazing tools of Gratitude. There is no doubt that I am one of the most grateful people on the planet. I will find a moment of gratitude in some of the worst conditions of life.

There is power in finding something in the worst of conditions to say thank you for. I remember moments in my life when I was in financial struggles and found myself sitting in the dark with candles because I couldn’t afford to pay my light bill. I would say thank you God because at least I have a roof over my head right now and though I am in this situation I know things could be worse. I then found myself not having a roof over my head for a short moment and had to sleep in my car. I remember saying at that time; thank you God at least I have a car to sleep in. I don’t know how the power of this type of gratitude works but what I have found is that each time I found myself in a situation that most people would scoff of the idea of being grateful for, somehow things opened up for me in a much bigger and better way.

As a small child I would see my Great-grandmother rubbing her knees in pain but at the same time, she would say thank you, God, at least I can feel the pain. I never knew the power in that until much later on when my brother was shot and paralyzed and couldn’t feel his body. At least she could feel the pain. I remember moments in my life that I have said the same thing about the pain in my own body because I now understand that not only could things be worse, but the universe has a way of opening things up for me when I have gratitude for what is already in my midst.

Being grateful in times of struggle has been the first step out of some of my deepest struggles of life. It invokes a ray of light and hope in the darkest spaces of my existence and allows me to see that all is not lost. Gratitude has open doors of serendipitous moments in my life where the people around me who witness my conditions before are baffled at how I tend to come out. Gratitude is a powerful tool to climb out of the deepest pits of life. It is really easy to stop and be grateful when things are going well in your life and I find that it is important to do that. However, when life is overwhelming me, and I feel that I am being hit on every side, gratitude is sometimes one of the most powerful tools I use as a way out. I generally stop in the midst of the situation and assess what I have versus what I don’t have. If I can’t say anything more than Thank you, Creator, that I still have the breath of life inside of me that is gratitude. The universe can work with that to help pull me out.

Gratitude for me is a declaration that my Creator hasn’t abandoned me and whatever this condition is that is a hindrance for me is not going to stop my will to live, overcome and thrive. It has been the place from which much of my resilience has sprung forth within me. Finding the things around me to be grateful for opened doors for so many other things to come that I could be grateful for.

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” — Willie Nelson”

In addition to being grateful for what is in front of me at the moment, I have also learned to be grateful in advance for that which I want to see in my future. This form of gratitude sets up a mental space to call into existence what I want to see in my life. In essence, I use gratitude to speak into existence the things I want to see. When my mind is focused on the good things that still exist in the midst of the bad, and is focused on where I am planning to be after I come out of the unpleasant situation, it doesn’t have as much time to dwell on the negative issues around me. It is taking that energy and life force in me to feed the positive and starve the negative.

I walk in gratitude every single day whether I see it as a good day or not. It is a gift to live a life of gratitude and it has served me well in every aspect of my healing journey and throughout life. To choose gratitude is to choose life.

“On this day I am aware of the wonderful gifts that appear when I need them. I am grateful for the opportunities they present for personal growth.”
Strengthening My Recovery: Meditations for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families

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The Dangerous and Silent Drug of Codependency

Codependency |ˌkōdəˈpendənsē|


Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.

Most people see the above definition to codependency and think that this reliance on another person is the totality of this word. It is NOT! The term has been used to describe a weak, clingy needy person who is relying on another person. That is the least of the meaning of this term. Most codependent people are very strong, resilient people. They are used to taking on everyone else’s problems, running from one crisis to the next putting out fires and being the “hero” in everyone else’s lives. Many of them give and give until they can’t give anymore. They completely deplete themselves for the sake of caring for others. Many of them go completely unappreciated for all they give and their services to others are normally deeply undervalued.

Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, coined the term, “Self Love Recovery” from his book: “ Self-Love Recovery, The Codependency Cure”, because at the baseline of this codependency trait is a lack of self-love. All the giving, doing and being is a feeble attempt to be or find love and validation from others because of the lack of love within self. This trait has been seen in the family members and loved ones of Alcoholics and is prevalent in Al Anon rooms but it can be seen far beyond the reaches of being affiliated with a person with an active alcohol or drug addiction in your life.

If you grew up in a home where love was a conditional thing and you felt you had to earn love and validation in your home, this can be the base of the codependency trait. If you felt like you had to be good enough to earn love, or you had to do enough you learned early that in order for you to be seen as valuable you had to perform. This then attracts people into your life that you feel you have to rescue, fix, change or help, keeping you in a toxic cycle of over giving and receiving little to nothing at all for all you give.

If you find that you have over extended yourself to the point of extreme exhaustion with no validation for your efforts you can become bitter, resentful, and angry. Many people stuff these emotions until that right moment then unleash them onto people who many times don’t even deserve the rage that they have received from the codependent. Most people don’t ever pay attention to the chemical reaction that goes on in the body of the codependent, like the high a person can get of adrenaline from rushing into a crisis. Because this chemical reaction is internal and the alcoholic’s or drug addict’s chemical is external, all the attention gets put on the person that seems to be the “problem person” in the mix while the codependent walks away looking like the hero. Truth is, the external addiction for the codependent is the person or people they rescue and the high is the chemical hit of adrenaline they get within.

Over time this chemical reaction and stress on the body can take a toll on a person. If the codependent never finds themselves hitting a bottom and doing some introspective work to pull out of this behavior, they can very well send themselves to an early grave even before the alcoholic.   However, the diagnoses for the codependent will never be called by its name. It will be called; heart attack, stroke, cancer, autoimmune disease and a plethora of other issues the body has taken on because of being over worked and stressed.

Codependents are the hardest people in the world to get through to because their deeds seem so noble. They see themselves, as the hero in their book. It is very seldom that they can truly be introspective enough to see that they are just as addicted as the person with an external chemical addiction. If you see yourself in this little blog, take a moment to do some introspection. Do you rush in to other people’s crisis on a regular basis to try to “help or fix” it? Do you get anxious or nervous when you are not in charge of fixing another person’s issues or problems? Do you give to others and get resentful when they do not acknowledge your sacrifice? Do you get a high when rushing into a crisis? Do you hold hostility because you have given so much of yourself with little return? If you can see yourself in any of these questions I invite you to please find an Al Anon group in your area and attend a meeting. You will find people just like you in the rooms and your healing and recovery can begin.

You are only as sick as your secrets so take the time to release them and get well emotionally. There is no shame in taking steps to your own recovery. It is in fact one of the most courageous things you can ever do for yourself. Until next blog,

Love, Peace and High Vibrations Family


The Power of Authenticity

Look deep into the palm of your hand.  Have you ever considered the fact that the print of your hand is so unique it is used to identify you for certain government documents? In the world that we are living in today the uniqueness of an individual is becoming less and less important as more people strive to be like the current props of celebrities in western culture.  The value of our unique being as a human is slowing giving way to the growing technology, reality stars and celebrity culture. Everybody wants to be like someone else. I like to look at make up tutorials online and I am seeing a trend that make-up is not used as much to enhance one’s own unique features as much as it is now transforming you into someone else.   Everyone has the same brows, highlights and lips. It made me really begin to think about this thing we know as authenticity.

Perhaps a part of this merging into sameness has something to do with vulnerability.  It is much easier to try to blend in with the crowd than to stand out from the crowd if you are not comfortable with aspects of your own vulnerability.  I think a great read on allowing yourself to lean into this aspect of yourself is a book from Brene’ Brown called; ‘The Power of Vulnerability.” In it she explores shame and vulnerability and our ability to see ourselves in this position. One of my favorite quotes  by her is:

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” – Brene` Brown

It does take courage to go against the grain of what we have been programed to think feel or believe to live into who we truly are from the core. There is only one you on the planet. In my belief system I believe that each soul is here to learn various lessons on this planet as well as share the very authentic gifts that each one of us possess. However, more and more now people are looking outside of themselves for validation of self rather than exploring the various aspects of their own unique talents, gifts and abilities. The value of who we are is becoming diminished as we seek to “Keep up with the Kardashians” be one the “Housewives of Atlanta” and so on.

If celebrity culture isn’t the influence then people define themselves by the work they do rather than the person they are. I remember asking a man who are you? I was looking for answers as to who is this person I was talking to. Instead I got a list of things he did like the fact that he was a lawyer and worked as X law firm and had X degree. I then said; “if I took all of your titles and education away, who are you?” He was silent.  We are far more comfortable in our doing than in our being.

How often do you sit still and center yourself to ask yourself, “What is the unique quality of my essence that only I can share with the world.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).” 
 Mark Twain

When you begin to tap into the power of you it opens doors only you can walk through. You begin to realize there is no need to envy others because the world doesn’t seem so limited. You begin to understand that you live in abundance because what is for you is for you.  When your cup is filled with your own essence of love, life, talents, gifts and abilities you want to share rather that take from others.  Imagine a life where each of us truly understood the power we possess within our own being.  Imagine knowing that you are special just because you exist on the planet and NOBODY is like you. There would be no need to grasp for what other have, envy others and try to morph into someone else. You would know that you are filled to capacity with abundance and that overflow would be your contribution of greatness to be added to the planet.  Imagine knowing that the overflow you have is the legacy you were designed to leave the planet as a gift before you transition into the next dimension of life. I believe knowing that could pull people out of darkness and catch people from the brink of suicide.

It took me a while to understand this about myself. I would wonder why people would come around me and somehow leave happier as if they got something from me.  Sometimes this would happen and I would be left drained and didn’t understand why.  Over time I begin to understand the gift of my authenticity and began to fill my own cup first. When we don’t understand the gift of our uniqueness we leave ourselves vulnerable to the people who do and those very gifts within us can get misused and abused because we truly don’t know whom we are and what we have. I had to learn this the hard way. I have a deeper understanding now that my essence, my soul, and my authentic self is the biggest gift I can give to the world. By understanding this now, I am far less likely to allow myself to be mis-managed through ignorance. I am the gift. Who I am is the gift. And so are you. Take the time to explore who you are. Be willing to be different.  Be willing to stand out from the crowd. Allow yourself the time to get to know who you truly are, then shine your light brightly into the world. This world is waiting on you to be…YOU!